A Couple's Guide to Staying Together While Buying a House
by KaraLee Foat
on Tuesday, January 16th, 2018 at 11:49am.
You and your partner will argue while buying a home.
Every couple does, you're not unique.
People process large decisions differently. Your relationship probably works because you and your partner have different points of view. You balance each other out.
You also drive each other bonkers.
Let's talk about how to stay together, maybe even love each other more, while you buy a home.
Note: none of the Foat Partners hold a psychology degree. We've helped a lot of couples buy homes. We've mediated tons of arguments. We've shoved many bottles of wine into client's hands and assigned the homework: 'drink this and sort things out.'
The most volatile conversation happens when you've found a home you both love. That's when your true personality is revealed.
You will either be:
Analytical. This house checks all the boxes. It has everything we need, most of the things we like, nothing we hate. Therefore, we should buy it. These are spreadsheet people. They take lots of notes.
Emotional. They like the 'feel' of a home. They fall in love. They can see themselves living here and being ridiculously happy. They won't sit on the couch in the living room for one more minute.
Which one are you? Your partner will likely be the opposite.
Then comes making a decision. You either will be a:
Quick Mover. These people haven't seen the basement yet and they're ready to write an offer. They've made a decision and there's no going back.
Processor. They need time. After all, they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars!
Are you still with us?
When you find a great house you will become one of four people:
The Analytical Quick Mover affirms: 'It checks all the boxes. Let's just buy it.'
The Emotional Quick Mover declares: 'I love how it feels, I need to have it right away.'
The Analytical Processor maintains: 'I know that it checks all the boxes but I'm not 100% sold on this one.'
The Emotional Processor verbalizes: 'I like how it feels but I'm just not quite sure.'
Now one of you is impatient. And one of you feels pressured.
One of you is looking at a spreadsheet. The other's heart is jumping out of their chest.
Both of you need a deep breath. Remember why you love this person. Remember that it's a big decision...
And... here is the genius idea that you've read all of this to get to...
Talk and listen. That's all. Say what you're thinking and why you're thinking it. Listen to the one you love and understand what they're thinking.
You're going to buy a great house. You're going to fill it with great memories. You're going to be ridiculously happy. We're here to make it go smoothly. All you have to do is talk and listen.